What's New?
Tuesday, September 1st, 2006 I decided to create a new blog that is MUCH easier to use than this website. If you are interested in keeping up with our updates, PLEASE go to our new blog titled, Journey from Poltava. The website is: http://journeyfrompoltava.blogspot.com/ I will keep this website (the one you're reading now) active with all of the adoption related resouces but will post our family updates on the other (new) website. Don't forget to bookmark our new site or add it to your list of favorites! If you are wondering how the kids' first day of school went, you'll have to go to the new site!! I'll have it updated by this evening! Thursday, August 31st, 2006 We're gearing up for the kids' first week of school next week and this means a huge change to all of our routines. (Well, except Ken's actually!) I'm babysitting a friend's son for the week and Lira and Timmy seem to love having someone to play with. I'm happy because I don't have to be the one to entertain L & T every minute of every day! J (the little boy) is 8 years old and both the kids love to play with him- they even argue over sitting with him and playing certain things with him. I did have to have a talk with both Lira and Timmy about the difference between friends and family. After a few minutes of our conversation, Lira started to finally understand that J was a friend and her cousins are family. Because of how Lira and Timmy were exposed to both boys and girls and weren't taught anything about 'privacy', that's been the lesson for the week, too. This week's doctor's appointment: the opthamologist. Though we're not surprised, Timmy needs glasses and he'll have to wear them on a regular basis. Watching him do the eye exam helped me to really understand how bad his vision really is. Lira's vision is fine and she was very disappointed to learn that she WON'T need glasses! Both of the kids had meltdowns at the end of the appointment but the doctor was GREAT and understood. Since their eyes were dialated, it probably was a bit scary- as for Timmy, his vision was already not so great and then for his vision to be blurred for the exam made things more difficult for him to handle. Today is open house for both Lira and Timmy. Timmy's was this morning and we were able to meet his teachers and most of his classmates. There will be between 22 to 25 students in his class. I spoke with his teacher yet have to admit, I wasn't sure what questions to ask! I did remember to tell her about his vision. We ordered his eye glasses but they won't be ready until next week. We get to meet Lira's teachers later this afternoon. Lira has said up until today that she doesn't want to go back to school. She loved summer school but she said from now on she wants to stay home and have me teach her. We'll see if that changes after she meets her teacher and classmates! Tuesday, August 22nd, 2006 What a week it's been, not quite sure where to even begin! Ken went on a business trip last week, gone for 6 days. Though he usually travels a lot with his work, this is the first trip he's had to go on since we returned from Ukraine. Despite how Lira pushes Ken away at times, she really missed him. From the moment we took him to the airport she started saying she wanted him to come back. She told me that night how much she missed him, how handsome she thought he was and how he is her "favorite daddy." It melted my heart to hear it- I only wish she would say it directly to him. But we have to be happy with each step forward, and maybe his absence made her heart grow fonder for him. She was able to verbalize quite well how she missed him while he was away. When she was sad, she would go to the answering machine and replay the messages he would leave for her and Timmy. Sometimes she would play it over and over 5 or 6 times! Timmy, on the other hand... well, he wasn't able to communicate his feelings with words, so he made up for it with his behavior. Screaming when frustrated (more than usual), tantrums, defiance... does the word regression come to mind for you, because it does for me. My parents came down from PA on Sunday and stayed until today. That was a huge relief for me. The kids love being around Nana and Poppy and were so excited to have them here. I started going back to work this week so they were able to care for Lira and Timmy to help with the transition (on top of Ken still being gone until today.) It was very smooth and Lira had so much fun that when I came home from work on my first day, when I asked her if she missed me she said, "No, mama, go back to work." Hhmmm... Not quite the heart-warming response I was hoping for... She pulled away from me a bit while my parents were here, but considering everything going on, at least she and Timmy were having a lot of fun with their grandparents. (Though in retrospect, it was a bit of a step-backwards in our attachment, but it's inevitable I suppose.) Anyways, I'm a resource L.D. teacher, part-time, and my new schedule is VERY flexible. They are allowing me to have off next week, the last week the kids are home before they start school. Now that Ken is home from his business trip, he's able to "work from home" for the next few days and I'll be at work. We'll see how this role-reversal of sorts works out! LOL On a final note, today was my birthday. The kids wanted to throw me a surprise party, so while I was at work, Lira baked a chocolate cake with my mom and Timmy put the icing on it. They bought balloons and had milk, tuna fish (Lira's favorite, don't laugh), cheese, crackers, pretzels, and cake and ice cream. Lira dressed in her new princess- dress that Nana bought her and when I walked in the house, Lira and Timmy were cued to yell, "surprise!!!!" They sang a very cute "happy birthday" and we ate the delicious variety of foods. ;) Nana and Poppy left to go home shortly afterwards and Ken came home this afternoon. The kids were very excited to see him!! We went to dinner and Lira sat on his lap for much of the evening. I was properly embarrassed at the restaurant with the waiter having the entire restaurant of customers yell "Happy Birthday" followed by delicious dessert. What a week it's been. Ups, downs, lots of changes to our routines. Even though *I think* that the source of Timmy's recent behaviors are the change in routine and Ken's absence for 6 days, I've seen some other things that make me realize that he's emotionally younger than his chronological age. Maybe it's not a shocker for some of you, but it's a realization I've come to accept and so I understand I need some new parenting techniques. I've come across some very good parenting advice on FRUA, my adoption support chat group. My wish for my birthday- to have more patience and to be the best mommy I can be. Tuesday, August 16th, 2006 I've been trying to find things to do with the kids since the summer is coming to an end. We've gone to a couple zoos over the past week, which the kids loved. The Reston Zoo allowed for the kids to feed baby lambs with bottles of milk and feed many of the other animals some pellets. There was a wagon ride through the back of the zoo that was fabulous. There were camels, zebras, emus, ostriches, and other animals I can't remember the names to! It was great because they walked right up to the wagon and you could touch them and feed them. Lira was able to pet a zebra!! Lira and Timmy pet a camel, and Timmy pet the horns of a huge what-cha-ma-call-it...(sorry, I can't remember the name for the life of me!) Timmy and Lira did great with the animals' names, especially the squirrel monkeys and spider monkeys. The National Zoo in DC was great for the kids, too. We went with friends of ours, Claudia and her son Andrew. Andrew and Timmy were like two peas in a pod. They both were equally fascinated with the animal poopies, dirt and sticks on the ground, and bugs as they were with the animals themselves! Tuesday, August 8th, 2006 We've been home 13 weeks now and it seems like SO much longer than that as the bonding is going so well. Lira's been able to tell me a lot more about her life in the orphanage and with her biological mother. I started documenting the stories in a journal for her on my computer so she'll have it when she's older. Unfortunately,many of the stories are sad. We keep telling Lira and Timmy how much we love them and how we're going to love them FOREVER. This has been a big thing with them. Tonight at bedtime Lira said she wanted to stay with me all day, every day, here in America. I reassured her that I wanted the same thing. She talked about how many children at the "internat" (orphanage) go to America or Italy but come back again. She's referring to the hosting programs but I don't think she understands the concept, she just sees that the kids go back to the internat. I told her that she and Timmy are NEVER going back there (I've said it many times before, but I think it's starting to sink in tonight.) I told her that she and Timmy are our daughter and son and they will be with us forever. She really held on to that. She gave me a hug and big kiss. As I went downstairs, she and Timmy both said to me, "Mama, I love you! Forever!!" It was pretty amazing. Last Friday, the 4th, was Lira's last day of school. The night before we made brownies together for her class and she told me how sad she was going to be because she really liked her teacher and students in her class. When she came home from school on Friday, she told me she was sad about leaving school, but she seemed fine for the rest of the day. That evening, at bedtime, however, she let it out and started crying. She was so upset, crying, saying she misses her teacher and friends. I wanted to cry with her. Ken and I just held her and listened. She stayed with me for a bit of time, hugging me and crying. This was really something. When it was time to leave the internat, she and Timmy didn't look back, didn't cry. Here she goes to summer school for 4 weeks, half days, and she hates the thought of it ending. It says so much. She had previously told me how she really liked school and the teachers in America are SO nice! She said, "they don't hit you! In the internat, if you don't listen, they hit you hands and your hands are blue." Hmmm... So many thoughts and emotions run through my mind and heart just from retelling this. Thank GOD they are home with us now. Tuesday, August 1st, 2006 It is our 12 week anniversary today of being home together in America. It's hard to believe it's only been 3 months as it feels like it's been so much longer. We're becoming a strong family unit that deals with your normal sibling bickering, time-outs (for the kids AND me!), messy rooms, school, cartoons, family meals, and balancing schedules. We have our great days and we have our not-so-great moments when directions from me or Ken are considered by Lira and Timmy to be no more than suggestions. Of course, we're working on this and have come a long way. I think now we're at the point where it's not so much an adoption issue as it is an issue most parents have with 5 and 6 year olds. (Please tell me this is the case and that they grow out of it!) Mom, if you are reading this, I AM SO SORRY!! I'm sure Danielle and I did this when we we're kids. I remember you saying to us, "Just wait until you have kids of your own," especially when we were teenagers. I would laugh and roll my eyes, thinking, "...whatever, yeah, right..." Monday, July 24th, 2006 It's time for updates, isn't it!?
Lira is really enjoying summer school. There are approximately 15 students in her class, with ages ranges from Kindergarten to 2nd grade. (It's an English as a Second Language class.) She is obviously one of the youngest in the class with fewer english skills than the older children, but she's "holding her own" as they say. She really likes her teacher, Ms. Kim. Open house was last Friday and I was able to see Lira in action. There are two other students (they're sisters) in Lira's class who are caucasian and I wondered if they had similar histories as Lira and Timmy, but felt it would be rude to ask. Ken and I are so pleased with the progress Lira is making in just two weeks (this is the third of four weeks.) I asked her teacher what her professional opinion was of Lira's skills and readiness for first grade given that Lira has only been in America since April 30th... when she heard that Lira's only been exposed to English since then, her mouth dropped. She couldn't believe it and she felt Lira would do just fine! She said that the first few months of first grade will be a review of kindergarten skills and then they move forward after that. She felt we didn't have much to worry about. Phew!!! So, we are proud parents of our smart little girl!
Timmy and I are loving our one to one bonding time while Lira's in school in the mornings. We continue to do our version of "english school." Sometimes Timmy loves it, and other times he's the master of task-avoidance. Being a teacher, I've seen his kind before! Oh boy, we'll be in for some interesting phone calls from his teachers in the future! We also spend our time playing together, reading, watching some television and doing errands. Timmy can play well by himself which gives me time on occasion to do things (like make doctor appointments and update this website!!) This weekend we experienced another first: Timmy's first bee sting!! Ouchies! Ken took Lira and Timmy to the playground and while he was playing with Lira, Timmy was being a boy throwing rocks over by our pond. Come to find out that Timmy disturbed a bees' nest. Ken heard Timmy yelling and saw at least 10 bees flying around Timmy. Ken got Timmy away from *almost* all of the bees. Minutes later, he sees Timmy pulling on the front of his shirt and that's when he realized one of the bees got him on the upper belly!! In the end, Timmy was fine- no allergic reaction at all! I kept checking his belly and Timmy would say to me, "Stop, Mama! Don't be sad! Timmy no ouchies! Look! No ouchies!" And by that evening, there was barely a mark where he had been stung. Phew!!
Tuesday, July 18th, 2006 I decided to post an article that was in the Washington Post this past week in lieu of a juicy update. In a nutshell, Lira and Timmy are doing well since our schedule changed with Lira starting school. Lira's english in this summer ESOL program is blossoming, as we expected. She enjoys going and Timmy and I are having a good time together. Details in a later post. Now for the great article If you haven't read her articles/books, Jeanne Marie Laskas is a writer for the Washington Post who has two daughters adopted from China, and she
often writes about being an adoptive parent. I thought you'd enjoy this week's article.
Motherhood, the Reality Show
The co-worker of a friend has decided to adopt a baby from China. Those two got to talking. My friend told her co-worker that she knows someone with two kids from China. The co-worker said, "Oh, I'd love to meet her."
So that's how we all ended up seated on the bleachers at my kids' softball game: myself, my friend Sue and her co-worker Allison, who brought along her husband, Tim. We're watching my kids over there
kicking dirt. Because they were adopted.
Because they're Asian. I remember this. Waiting to go to China to adopt, all I wanted to do was look at adopted Asian kids. I have no idea what I was looking for.
The softball team is way into the off-season, making up games that were canceled by rain last spring, which means now we're spilling into soccer season, and my girls both have soccer games immediately
following the softball game. So, on this ridiculous schedule, after we finish here they'll change in the car out of their softball cleats and into their soccer cleats and put on shin guards and new shirts.
I swore up and down I would never do this. I would never be a parent who overscheduled her kids. My only excuse is: Everyone is doing it. Softball, then soccer, and swim team if you can stand to get up early enough for practice. Everyone is doing it! Everyone is signing up for everything, and you get swept away.
So, Allison and Tim. They want to talk adoption. They want me to provide "a reality check." They're all smiles, and they look so much less tired than I feel. They're not all sticky. I remember this. I
remember a time when I used a curling iron, mascara and wore unsensible shoes.
Sticky. The reason I'm sticky is because I'm cutting oranges. I have an actual cutting board on my lap. The oranges are for the soccer game because tonight I'm Orange Mom. I did not realize this until I
got to the softball game, was removing the bats and helmets from the car and happened to take note of the soccer schedule in my trunk and the little star next to today indicating that I was assigned the
role. So after I yanked the kids out of the car and escorted them to the ballfield, where my husband was waiting to perform his duty as Catcher Dad, I ran back to the car and zoomed to the grocery store, bought the oranges, a little cutting board, a knife, some Ziploc bags and (smartly) a roll of paper towels, and now I'm back here, on the bleachers, cutting.
"The one thing I'm going to say about parenting," I tell Allison, as I stab my next orange, "is everything you swear you'll never do, you'll probably end up doing." She's looking at me, smiling politely. I tell her about when I was waiting to adopt my first daughter, I was in a store and I saw a little girl haul off and whack her mom across the knees with a roll of wrapping paper. "I was horrified," I say, "because that mother did nothing to discipline that child." I tell her I vowed right then to be a mother who demanded proper behavior. "Now, I just laugh at that," I say. "Because how are you
supposed to give a kid a timeout in the middle of a department store?"
I'm chuckling, but neither Allison nor Tim is, and I can tell I've lost them. But then again I've sort of lost me. What was my point? What were we talking about?
Adoption. Allison is asking questions about China, about bonding, about feeling like a "real" mom. I remember having the same questions, of course I do, but they are now so old. Adoption? The
thing about adoption is, I forget. What parent has time to remember the old days of labor and/or delivery? Parenting is a momentous thing, to be sure, but mostly parenting is a moment-y thing. Batting helmets and orange juice dripping down your leg and team visors you forgot for the third time to bring. A new tooth, chocolate milk, a fight over a stolen potato chip, a vitamin each day and soon enough rules about phone use and appropriate attire. Piles and piles of moments intersecting with moments, the big picture barely a distant promise.
If there's one message I could convey to people who wonder about adoption, it's this: You forget. The method of delivery may have mattered once, but it becomes profoundly irrelevant. A mom is a mom
is a mom. A kid is a kid is a kid.
My 5-year-old, who is so tiny she looks, with her batting helmet on, exactly like a bobblehead doll, just smacked a line drive. I explode with joy, leap to my toes. I lose several orange sections in the
process, but I don't care. It's her first hit off the pitch. No tee required. Just, ker-pow! I'm too excited, I know, jumping up and down on bleachers not quite built for rugged duty. I'm embarrassed in
front of Allison and Tim. But they wanted a reality check, and this, I'm afraid, is it.
Sunday July 9, 2006Lira and Timmy experienced a lot of "firsts" over the past week.
A few days later was the 4th of July! Lira and Timmy celebrated their first 4th of July- as American Citizens. Lira had a fever, so we cancelled our plans to visit our friends at Quantico for a BBQ and to hear the Marine Corps Band. She slept on and off throughout the day. Instead of going out for fireworks that night, Ken lit some low-key (but very colorful) fireworks in front of the house and Lira and Timmy watched with big eyes. Lira was wrapped in a blanket though it was low 80's by the time we did it. My poor baby! They held sparklers with Mommy and Daddy and sang "Happy Birthday" to America. It was too sweet. (Lira's fever broke the next evening.)
Later that week, we spent 2 nights up at my parents' house in PA. Lira and Timmy had a blast. My sister (whom they call Titka Dani) has a trampoline in her yard, so the kids played all day on the playset and trampoline with Danielle's daughters, Lira and Timmy's cousins. It's wonderful to see Lira and Timmy play with Jackie and Georgie- they have such a close relationship already.
And for the next "first"... Lira got her ears pierced!! She has been asking for this since we came home from Ukraine. I wanted my mom and Lira's cousins there when we did it- and Georgie held her hand the whole time. Lira was nervous for the first earring but was SO scared after the first piercing!
Next "first".... SCHOOL! Lira starts summer school tomorrow!! On the lighter side of things, I decided to note a few happenings that made us realize (as if we hadn't already) that we're an offical mom and dad to a 5 year old boy and a 6 year old girl and we have a few things to learn. You know you're a NEW adoptive mom or dad when... Saturday June 24, 2006- 2nd edition! Today on the drive home from our friends' house Lira wanted to sing songs (Old MacDonald, The Wheels on the Bus, etc.) Timmy requested 'Row, row, row your boat' and wanted to do it by himself. Our conversation went something like this: Timmy: Mama, Timo sing it very good? Me: I bet you do, go ahead, sing it for us! Timmy: Row, row, row your butt, gently down da street, merrly, merrly, merrly, I just want to sleep. Saturday June 24, 2006 We took Lira and Timmy for follow up visits with their pediatrician. Lira had her TB test done and it shows a positive result. I took her for a chest x-ray yesterday and we're waiting to hear back with the results. Ken and I did some research about TB since we really didn't know that much about this. (Our tests always came back negative so we never really had a reason to research it until now!) Our gut instinct is telling us that this is either a false-positive or it is the latent form of TB. If this is the case, Lira can't transmit TB to anyone. If it is the latent form, she will need to be on special anti-biotics for 6 to 9 months. This will prevent the TB from ever becoming active. (That's the short version- there's more to it than that!) So please keep your fingers crossed for us! We did ask the doctor whether we should keep her from other children. He said this wasn't necessary and gave us the reasons. (Sorry, I'm short on time so I'm sparing you the details!) I also finished registering Lira and Timmy for school in September. After a lot of thinking and talking to others, we decided to put Lira in 1st grade and Timmy in K. Lira will receive daily ESOL support- a lot more than we were originally told at the registration center. I continue to do home-schooling almost each day to help prepare both of them. Lira is going to attend ESOL summer school for children in K-1. This will also be great for getting her ready for September. While she is in summer school, I'll be able to do longer lessons with Timmy at home, too. Lira came with me to the elementary school when we finished registering. She wanted to meet her new friends but I had to explain that they weren't there. She then asked me if she would have to sleep at the school like she did at the orphanage. This broke my heart for some reason. I reassured her that this was not the case. Sunday, June 11th, 2006- Kids are always Saturday we took the kids to the FRUA picnic. We met up with our friends Larry and Claudia and their son Andrew who is also adopted from Ukraine. It was a great day and Lira and Timmy really seemed to enjoy themselves. There were representatives from the Ukrainian Embassy who attended. The one woman, Olena, remembered Timmy when she saw him from when we went to the embassy to register the passports. She spoke in Russian to Lira and Timmy, but they didn't respond. For the past few weeks they've been very shy around other adults (and even children) until they feel comfortable aroudn them. An interesting thing happened at the picnic. One of the men from the embassy was from Poltava, where Lira and Timmy are originally from. After speaking with him, I walked over to Lira and asked her to come say hello. I told her that he was from Poltava also and Lira stopped dead in her tracks. She asked me to point him out, which I did, Lira got a brief look at him and turned around and ran the other way. She didn't want anything to do with him! We wondered if she thought he would take her back to Poltava??!!!??? Today we took the kids to the county fair. This was the biggest public event we've taken the kids to, and we weren't quite sure how they would respond to it. But the kids did GREAT and had a wonderful time! They enjoyed the rides and meeting with the police officers and firemen and women who were there with boothes to talk with the public. On the way out from the fair, Lira and Timmy walked up to three police officers who were sitting down and gave them each a "HIGH-5!" It was really cute. We don't know why, but Lira and Timmy both love police officers and firemen and women. Thursday, June 8th, 2006-More progress... this past Tuesday we went up to my parents' house in PA and spent the night. Ken had to work since we made the trip during the week. I was quite nervous about taking the kids to spend a night away from home but had to give it a go. They seemed to really do well over the past week when we would go out, so what the heck, right? Well, they loved going up to visit their Nana and Poppy. Their cousin Georgie came over for dinner also, so the kids got to play together for a few hours. Poppy took his motorcycle out, which was a real hoot! Timmy loves cars, motorcycles, trucks, etc., so to be able to sit on a motorcycle with his Poppy was so exciting for him! Lira sat on the motorcycle with Poppy, too. Georgie is a pro at it, so she went first and showed the kids how to do it. We took some great pictures- real treasures. Last week we were invited to my friend Karen's house. Her daughter is only 2 weeks younger than Lira. Karen also has a son- although he's 3 years old, he and Timmy are the same height. We went to their community children's pool and Lira and Tim had SO much fun. They loved being in the pool though they can't swim. This was their first experience in a pool (not counting the little pool we bought for our front yard!) So what about school??? Well, I took Lira and Tim to Fairfax County registration office. I want Lira to go to Kindergarten in the fall though chronologically she would be 1st grader. She hasn't had any real formal education outside of what I've taught her here at home and putting her in a classroom would be setting her up to fail since FFX County is so competitive. I'd like for her (and Timmy) to receive ESL services (English as a Second Language.) As it turns out, the support would only be a couple hours a day, 2 days per week. With that little bit of support, Ken and I are afraid she wouldn't do well and then they'd want to have her repeat 1st grade. We were told that they would have to register Lira for 1st grade and then we'd have to go speak with the principal of the school and discuss our situation to get permission for Lira to be in kindergarten. Now what about Timmy? Well, chronologically he'd be in Kindergarten next year, but we can't have Lira and Timmy in the same class- they are at two different levels academically. And Timmy just shuts down if Lira is around when he's doing school with me at home. SOOooooo.... we just don't know what to do. I wish it was an easy decision. But nothing is easy, is it? Monday, May 29, 2006 (Pictures added to the photo center if you're interested! Some are pics of Lira and Timmy and others are pictures in Ukraine.) Well it's been about 2 weeks since I last updated this website. I'm not sure where to begin! Lira and Timmy are making progress with their english language acquisition each day. We continue to have "english school" everyday. I work with Lira for a little while, and then I work with Timmy. I can no longer work with both of them together because they're at two different levels of learning. Timmy shuts down and gets frustrated when he doesn't get a chance to respond or he responds incorrectly when Lira (or other people) are watching. Lira knows the sounds of at least 5 letters and knows how to write at least 1/2 the alphabet without help. She can sing the alphabet on her own as well. Without any help, she can spell Mama, Daddy, Lira and Timmy. There are a couple other words also, but these are the words she wrotes most frequently when we're drawing together. She is so eager to learn english and family and friends (and ME) are constently amazed with how well Lira uses english given the short period of time she and T have been home. Timmy's english is coming along, too. I feel that he is still working on the confidence to use the words he knows when he speaks, but when he does, it's usually right. He still asks us what certain things are even though he knows the answer. He's got the cutest grin when he does it, you just want to eat his cheeks!!! Timmy knows the sounds for 3 letters and can sing most of the alphabet. He and I are working on writing and recognizing letters. Behaviorally, we're making progress but for the past week our schedule has been a bit disrupted. Ken's mother came out from California and stayed with us- she just couldn't wait to meet the kids. They took well to her and it was helpful during the day to have an extra set of hands when working with the kids. Plus, I got to take a shower every day! Whoohoo!! I was nervous about her leaving because of attachment issues, but the kids got through it better than I expected. We haven't had any major meltdowns in a while, which is such a relief. Knock on wood, they're getting less and less frequent. Occasionally Lira says she that I don't love her, which breaks my heart. I realized that she says this when she doesn't get her way or if she's in a time-out for something. Timmy mimics Lira's behaviors and he'll say it once in a while, too. I'm still not sure how to respond, so sometimes I ignore it and other times I tell her I love her very much no matter what. I've chatted with other people in similar (adoption) situations and they have experienced the same thing. I guess it's not just Lira!! I took the kids to a pediatrician who specializes in Internationally Adopted Children. He was great with the kids. As we found out that day, Ken and I weren't given any of the kids' medical records. (What a shocker- something else that wasn't done properly in Ukraine!) So, because of this, they had to be started over on their immunizations. Timmy had a reaction the next day and slept for most of the morning. They both have swollen arms where one of the shots was given, along with a little bump. My poor babies!!! All in all, we're making alot of progress. The kids are amazing and Ken and I love them more and more each day. Just when we think we love them entirely, we realize our love for them continues to grow. Thursday, May 18, 2006 The kids are laying down right now, time for "para spat"- time to take a nap. Although I doubt they're actually sleeping this is the time I get to "recharge" my battery and regroup. The kids are full of energy and this is great for getting me back in shape again. With that being said, being a stay-at-home mom to these two can be emotionally draining. Both of them (though especially Timmy) likes to test the limits on what they can get away with. I noticed that most of Timmy's earlier temper tantrums were because of a need for attention. Those meltdowns I've learned to recognize and run interference to prevent them. The other temper tantrums, though less frequent, really take a lot out of me. Aside from his occasional temper tantrums, Timmy is a very good child. He is very sweet, affectionate with both Ken and me, he is picking up english and plays well with other children the few chances he's had. He's becoming more curious of not just touching everything in the house but knowing what it is. He loves it when I pick him up and walk around the house so he can ask "Shto Eta?" (what's that?) He seems to understand what I tell him and remember some of the english words, which is great. Lira is doing very well. Her english is coming along SO quickly, she is really bonding with me and her relationship with Ken is blooming. She has her "moments" as well, and when they are around the same time as Timmy's tantrums, I want to shout, "Calgon, Take me away!" (Does anyone remember those commercials from the 80s??) All in all, the four of us are still making adjustments. (...as are the pets!) The daily routine for me and the kids is coming along. It's not easy and I have so many questions. I keep reminding myself it's only been 2 and a 1/2 weeks. Sunday, May 14, 2006 It's almost midnight, and Mother's Day is about to end. My first mother's day was eventful as my family drove down from PA for the day and Lira and Timmy finally met their cousins (Georgie is 7 this week and Jackie is 3 and 1/2.) I can't sleep- I'm finding myself reflecting on the changes in all of our lives over the past 2 months: 0 children to 2 children, 2 full-time employed parents to 1 full-time employed parents and a stay-at-home mom, teaching other people's kids to now teaching my own, getting licks/ kisses from our dog to getting lots of kisses from our two beautiful children (and still licks from the dog!), sleeping in our big comfy bed with my husband to sleeping in a twin size day bed with my daughter, singing Sheryl Crow while driving in my car to singing ABC's with the kids in their toddlers seats, making coffee for breakfast as I fly out the door to work to making a healthy breakfast for each of us, being called "Mrs. Schwartz" to being called "mama", "mommy" and "maaaamaaaaa!", showering at least once a day to showering, well, less than that!, watching Desperate Housewives and Sopranos to watching Blues Clues (aka Sabaka Blue) and Dora the Explorer. These area just a few changes. But most of all, I realized how the void in my heart is gone ever since Lira and T have been with us. Ken and I had planned for so long to adopt a child under two, thinking if there was a sibling, he or she would be no older than about 4. We've realized good things DON'T always come in small packages. Nothing beats Timmy's hugs, Lira's kisses, and the "I love you, mommy!" before bed. Friday, May 12, 2006 Wow, I'm able to update this website two days in a row! I'm lucking out because Timmy is taking a nap and though Lira is up and about, she's having fun with our cats. Today Ken and I took the kids to the Ukrainian Embassy in D.C. and registered them. There were a few other people there in the office waiting for Visas (we're guessing) and they got a big kick out of Lira and T, especially their favorite phrase, "stinky malinki!" It went well, and only took about 20 minutes. We'll have to pick the kids' passports up next week. Thursday, May 11, 2006 We've been home for about 10 days now and at times it feels so much longer, and other times it seems like it's been much less. Lira and Timmy and I all have strep throat, and Ken has a viral infection that has him down for the count. We're all on anti-biotics and doing the best we all can. I have been consumed with interacting with Timmy and Lira, so being the doting wife to Ken had to take a back seat. I guess that's to be expected with parenthood! Lira is picking up english so quickly. Every day she's applying something new. Timmy's understanding of english is making progress for such a short period of time, but he's not applying it nearly as much as Lira. But when I remind myself that we've been home for less than 2 weeks, I realize how much progress both of the children have made. Things aren't exactly "peachy" at all times. Lira and Timmy are going through their own adjustment issues such as being scared at night time unless I sleep in their room, spontaneous temper tantrums from Timmy, etc. I remind myself that most of these behaviors stem from fear and loss of what the children have known for the past year, and that helps me deal with things. I have to be sure to really count my blessings with the children. Lira is getting closer with Ken and now tells him that she loves him and will allow him to give her a kiss once in a while and sometimes she'll even give HIM a kiss! Timmy told me (in english) "I love you, Mommy" tonight at bedtime without me saying it first. Today he's crying and kicking during a "time out" was dramatically shortened when he not only heard me tell him I love him, but he listened to me say it. He stopped crying and gave me a hug and kiss and said "I love you too!" It was so genuine, so sweet. He didn't cry again the entire night. Well, until it was time for bed. But even that was pretty mild. So, all in all, life has changed dramatically for all of us. We're all trying to adjust and bond with one another while trying to become healthy again. Lira and Timmy are beautiful and truly brighten our lives. That really makes the challenging hours worth it. May 7th: NEW Photos are in the photo gallery/ photo center- link on the right! Friday, May 5 We have been home since Sunday evening. The kids are adjusting to their new lives and so are we! The plane ride home on Sunday night was tiring, but we got through it. Lira was sick to her stomach for the 2nd flight, but did a good job of getting to the paper bag in time. Even with that being said, Lira and Timmy were very well behaved and we couldn't have asked for more from them. They were SO excited about coming to America! Unfortunately, the 4 of us could not sit together for the flight from Germany to the U.S. We originally had seats in Premiere class, with Ken and Timmy together in front of me and Lira. However, by the time we made it off of the 1st plane and got through security, Lufthansa had already given our assigned seats to other people. UGH!! (Though this was quite frustrating, it was very fitting considering how so many other things went wrong over the past 5 weeks.) Anyway, we were seated in the back of the plane, Lira and me in the middle of a row of 5 seats, with Ken and Timmy in similar seats in the way back of the plane. Everyone else who adopted younger children were catered to, which put salt on the womb. Oh well, we're home and that's what's important. (The funny thing is that on this flight home, who is on the plane but another adoptive couple who were coming home from Caleningrad (spelling??) I met them at the March FRUA waiting parents meeting here in Northern Virginia and at the time, they didn't know when they would be able to travel for their adoption. Since being home, we're trying to establish some sort of routine. Ken has gone back to work and I've been home with Lira and T- an official full-time mommy! The kids have been overwhelmed with the clothes, toys, and house that now belong to them. The evening we came home, we showed them the house and their bedroom. (Keep in mind we have a 3 story townhome, not a castle by any means.) Lira and T couldn't get over how big it was, though. Talk about perspective based on experience. My family has been down to visit for the day and Ken's mom will be out to visit in a few weeks. PETS- oh now this is fun. For those who don't know, we have 2 cats and a 90 pound shepard/lab mix. The kids are great with the cats, though Apache doesn't seem to be too thrilled about them. Tobey realized early on that 2 kids means more cuddles, hugs, and kitty treats! Dori still isn't quite too sure what to make of the kids but she's done very well with them and they're doing well with her. Let's pray it stays that way or maybe even gets better! I'm sure there is more to tell you about, but I'm afraid this quiet time won't last much longer as the kids' naps are about to end. I'm taking "my turn" on the internet today. Ken's at the hotel with Lira and T, attempting to get them to take a nap. They were laying down when I left and they both looked very tired so I hope they are actually sleeping. Saturday, April 22nd- OUR LAST NIGHT AS CHILDLESS PARENTS! Thursday, April 20th- Well, time for a funny story. Tuesday's journal was a bit of a downer... sorry! So here ya go, time to get a good laugh at us as parents! This one is especially for family members and friends, and those who remember what it's like to be a *new* parent (of a 5 and 6 year old!) ;) Lira and Timmy really enjoyed Ken pushing them around in circles on the merry-go-round thing-a-ma- jig. We had them counting in english out loud, then Lira wanted to do it in Italian. We even had them doing the first few letters of the alphabet. Sorry, I'm getting away from the story. Well, as you know, whenever Ken and I visit, we bring the kids snacks and something to drink. Today it was a water bottle for each of them, a banana for each and a small snack size bag of pretzels. (Can you see where I'm going with this???) Well, Timmy kept wanting to be pushed around and around. Eventually Lira got off and she started to push the merry-go-round. I kept an eye on T and didn't like how he was becoming very quiet and seemed like he was in a daze staring at the ground. You'll be happy to hear that after about 5 minutes, Timmy ran back over to the ride and kept asking me to push him again! Don't worry, I learned my lesson so we had enough of spinning rides for the day. I explained to him with broken Russian, english, and gestures that I didn't want him on the ride anymore because he got sick. He told me he wouldn't throw up again. Sorry, Timo!!! Sooo... Tuesday, April 18th- Dissapointment and Delay Ken (and Jeanine) Thursday, April 13th- WE ARE OFFICIALLY PARENTS AND THE COUNTDOWN IS ON FOR HOME!
The best experience for the kids was this weekend when we visited with my family in PA. We all went to a beach in New Jersey. WOW, what a GREAT time the kids had! It was a day filled with a lot of "firsts" for Lira and Timmy. Timmy said, "Wow, mama! BIIIGG sandbox!" Walking from the car to water took quite a while, especially for Timmy. First, he was trying to figure out what to make of all the sand in his sandles. He didn't quite like it, but when he saw the seashells and mussel shells in the sand, it took his mind off of it. Then we walked a bit further, and he saw a jelly fish- WOW. He poked at that for a little while. (It was dead, thank God!) We found a place to put all of our stuff down and he and Lira were just taking it all in. Next to experience: WAVES! We walked to the water with their cousin Georgie and held hands and introduced them to waves and saltwater. Timmy got a mouthful and wasn't too fond of that! LOL Lira did, too but laughed it off. She and Georgie spent a lot of their time collecting shells and having one of the adults take them into the small waves. Timmy built sand castles with Mommy and Nana and then was buried in the sand by his cousin Jackie. I could go on and on about how wonderful the day was, but I'll stop here. Overall, I think Lira LOVED the waves and collecting tons of seashells with Georgie. Timmy loved the crabs, especially the leg of a big blue crab that he was so proud to find! The kids really enjoyed being with the family, too. Nana and Poppy were with us, along with Titka (aunt) Dani (my sister), Uncle Paul, and cousins Georgie and Jackie. Ken couldn't make it because he had to work the next day and we were spending the night at my sister's house. I took tons of pictures to show him when we got home.
OK, MOM, DAD, IF I APOLOGIZE NOW, WILL IT STOP!? 
If you think 'Fear Factor' is weird, check this out.
By Jeanne Marie Laskas
Sunday, July 16, 2006; Page W35
Last weekend we went to a lake with friends of ours and Lira and Timmy loved it. From what we could tell, this was their first time at a lake. They played in the water wearing life jackets and we let them ride with us on the jet skis- SLOWLY! 
So after reading this, you must thing that life is pretty "peachy" for all of us!? Well, we're having our fair share of "ups and downs." Lira and Timmy have settled into a routine at home and are generally doing GREAT. But that's not to say we don't have to give "time-outs" or discipline them. Lira and Timmy are still in the process of accepting Ken and me as their parents forever. Lira had gone two steps forward but one step back with bonding with Ken. She loves to have him play and tickle her, occasionally lets him kiss her, but generally won't kiss Ken at all. Timmy seems to be attaching to both of us equally, which makes Ken feel a bit better. Tim's quite the cuddle-bug! We're still working on getting him to stop hitting. He hits when he's frustrated, when Lira takes his toys, or just when he wants to get attention. When he hits to get attention, it's not hard or painful but we're trying to teach him other ways to get attention or express emotion. We're hoping that with better english skills, the hitting will eventually stop. 
Saturday July 1, 2006 Lira's chest x-ray came back negative this week- what a relief! Our pediatrician wants us to schedule her to see a specialist in Georgetown for a specific blood test that will be able to provide information about which anti-bodies Lira has that caused her to have a positive result on the TB test. That's next on the to-do list. We are also going to take the kids in for their first dental appointments- this should be fun. (NOT!) I am pretty sure they both will need a bit of work in the "fillings" department as their teeth weren't well-taken care of.
...your 6 year old daughter falls down 4 steps because mommy told her she could wear her high-heels. (Don't worry, she was fine.)
...you watch in slow motion as your tiny 5 year-old son attempts to be Superman by jumping UP the stairs but doesn't make it and falls on his face. (Again, don't be alarmed, he was fine!)
... you tell your son not to go too fast down hill on his bike and then realize how silly it was to think he'd listen as he goes so fast, loses control of his big-wheel and tips it over. (Again, no boo-boos! Go figure!)
...you teach your children silly phrases like "stinky feet", "you're CRAZY", and "monkey-boy" only to have them show off their excellent new english vocabulary when introduced to daddy's boss. The joys of parenthood! Ken and I cracked up laughing. We decided we're going to sing Timmy's version of the song from now on! good for a laugh. This past Friday we ordered Chinese food for dinner. For Lira and Timmy, we ordered steamed veggies and chicken which they really liked. When Timmy saw his veggies, though, he looked quite curious. He held up the brocolli and said, "Shto eta?" (what's this?) We told him what it was, but he didn't believe us. He responded, "A TREE?? This is a tree!" It was too funny! We had to explain to him that brocolli was a vegetable and Ken ate one just to show him! By the end of dinner, Timmy was finally convinced that it wasn't a tree so he ate one and enjoyed it!
Lira has been coughing quite a bit, and you can hear her congestion. She's also been blowing her runny nose and it's not looking too good. I used our Ukrainian/ English dictionary to try to come up with key words to ask the pharmacist what to get for Lira's cold. The pharmacist gave us some stuff but I don't have a clue as to what it is. I hope it helps her.
I didn't get much sleep at all last night- I slept in bed with each of the kids
on either side of me. Ken slept out on the couch. They were so cute and cuddly- Lira fell asleep holding my own hand in both of hers and Timmy was cuddled up next to me until he fell asleep. Lira woke up many times because of her cough. Each time she laid back down again, she either cuddled up next to me or held my arm or hand around her. I was up a lot through the night because Lira was coughing so much- I felt so bad that I couldn't do anything to help her! As I stayed up, I wanted to cry because I began to realize how much Lira and T have missed out in life because they haven't had parents. It started to race through my mind how resilient they are, and how happy they are to be with us. It was heart-warming and heart breaking at the same time.
Ken and I are SO very excited to say that we are able to take Lira and Timmy
out of the orphanage tomorrow! (And we're a bit nervous, too...!) Today was
the last time that we had to visit our children in the orphanage- amazing! We
brought the children candy to share with their classmates and what a scene it
was! Those of us giving out candy were mobbed by the children as if we were
giving out gold. (And to a young child, they'd choose candy over gold any
day!) One of the children was grabbing me and the bag so much that Lira felt
the need to push him off of me! I told all of the kids to sit down (one of the
more useful Russian phrases we've learned!) and then I was able to hand the
candy out to them. Lira and Timmy took candy to other children upstairs. Ken
took a few photos- I'll include the link to the pictures at the end of this
email.
Lira understands what's next in her future. We've been able to explain with
our limited Russian skills that we're taking Lira and her brother out of the
orphanage on Sunday. After that, we're driving to Kiev and a few days after
that, we're going to be on a plane to the USA! She loves to count down and
tell everyone what the plan is. Today she was telling her friend Tanya all
about it. I felt a bit bad because though Lira is very proud and excited about
her upcoming life change, my heart broke for Tanya who would be staying at the
orphanage. Ken and I have each taken a special liking to a few of the children
we see often during our visits, and Tanya is one of them. (She's the one
you'll see in today's pictures with the black hair and heart sunglasses.)
We had another funny experience from today... we'll call it "Lost in
Translation." We had to buy pj's and undies and socks for the kids so we
stopped at the store after we left the orphanage. Frequently the clothing here
has english words on it but the spelling is wrong or it has a phrase that
doesn't make sense. The lady at the store was showing me little girls' undies
to choose for Lira. They had cartoon animals on them, some of them with
words. She handed me a cute pair (or so she thought) that had a cat on it with
the word "Pussy". Not pussy cat, mind you. Oh my goodness, I laughed out loud
saying Niet! Niet! (no!) and showed Ken what the undies said. We both had a
good laugh. I tried to explain to the lady why we were laughing and saying
"NO!". I don't think she really understood- how do you explain that
one!?!?!
Ken and I have kept all of the tags on the clothes we bought for Lira and T
here so they can experience getting NEW clothes that they won't have to share.
Tonight I had a wonderful time choosing Lira and Timmy's clothes that we're
going to change them into the minute we get to the orphanage. Our translator
is going to come with us and she suggested that we buy fruit to share with the
children at the orphanage on our last day.
SO, thank you to all of you who have been with us while we've journeyed towards taking our children out of the orphanage- OUR children! :) Ken and I will continue to check our emails as we can- but we'll be doing so in shifts as I
can't imagine bringing Timmy into the internet cafe- that has disaster written
all over it!
Love,
Jeanine and Ken 
I made Lira stop pushing and I walked up behind Timmy. I kissed him on the top of his head and asked him if he was OK because he looked sad. I leaned over him (remember I'm behind him) and notice he's about to open his mouth- YAY! Progress! He understood what I asked him in English! Oh wait, oh no, oh boy- he didn't open his mouth to respond, he opened his mouth to puke. I will never look at bananas and pretzels the same way again. He didn't even lean forward. He just let it dribble down in front of him. 
OH MY GOD! Oh, poor baby! Poor baby! Ken was a bit "grossed out" but I realized this was probably the first throw-ups of many. (Hopefully not for this reason, though!) Ken got the teacher- picture it- how do you say "puke" in Russian? God only knows, so Ken acted it out to the teachers. I wish I had that one on film! In the meantime, I stayed with Timmy, slowly took his jacket off, wiped him off, and got him his water. I stood him up so I could clean everything off. He still seemed a little out of it. Poor baby!!! (I'm sorry to say, I did start to laugh a little bit. I'm a terrible mom, I know.) The teacher came over and was talking to me in Russian, who knows what she was saying.
Jacket in size 2T- $25
Diaper wipies- $3
Watching your son puke for the first time- priceless.
....Yet Again
You know those scenes in the movies when a character is running down the hall
towards a door and the hall stretches out and the door gets farther and farther
away (think Shelley Duvall in The Shining!). That's what Jeanine and I feel
like today after more delays and bureacractic b.s. on behalf of the Ukrainian
government. Or maybe a better analogy is to say that we are stuck in the
Ukrainian Groundhog Day - everybody do the Punxetauny Polka!!
Last week during court, our judge granted us the option of doing our paperwork
DURING our 10 day waiting period which ends this Sunday. We have to get new
birth certificates and new passports for the kiddies from this local town/region. The 2 departments that are in charge of birth certificates and
passports will NOT allow us to do any paperwork during those 10 days because of a Ukrainian supreme court decision last year that doesn't allow for such
paperwork to happen within those 10 days.
Why do they do this you ask? Good question Melanie, thank you for asking. The
legal and formal reason is most likely because they want to make sure that any
Ukrainian family member has a full and fair chance to step forward and claim
the childiren as their own. The informal and more likely reason is that they
love american dollars here and would love for us rich (ha!) folk to stay and
spend more money on their crappy food and useless hotels.
Bitter, party of one!
So what this means is that we won't even be able to start the final paperwork
until next Tuesday, April 25th. The paperwork will take 2-3 days here in
Poltava so we won't leave Poltava until the 27th which is the day we hoped and
prayed and shouted that we would coming home from Kiev. Bzzzzzzzzz.... nice try Alex, here's your consolation prize. We'd be pushed back by another 2-3 days or more.
Ok Ok Melanie, I'm getting to your next question. What's two or three little
days after all we've been through out here and yes, that is a reasonable
question. Actually, it screws us quite a bit. This weekend is Ukrainian
Easter so nothing is open Monday at all. That's why we can't start til Tuesday. Once we get to Kiev, we still have to take the children to a mandatory doctor's appointment and then go to the American Embassy and do final paperwork to come home. That takes a few days. If we don't get to Kiev til Thursday of Friday of next week (sob sob), then we're looking at the following week before we can grab a flight home - Maybe May 2nd, 3rd and so on. We're not giving dates out anymore because its way too disappointing when we don't hit that milestone.
Needless to say, today's delay has put a serious crimp in our disposition.
Besides being a pain financially, it is reaking havoc with our mental, physical
and emotional states. Put simply, we want to go home, now!
Yes, the kids were absolutely wonderful today and we can't wait to see the
tomorrow. Yes, the sun was out today and the trees are starting to bloom. Yes,
Jeanine had a delicious steak last night that she will talking about for the rest of her life. Somehow though, for today only, that just doesn't seem like enough.
Anyway, this is one of the low days. Tomorrow will be better of course. I can
see Bill Murray next to me at the internet cafe so I know we are destined to be here for just a bit longer. We'll start at the end go backwards so we can begin with the most important stuff first: WE'RE PARENTS! Our court hearing went very well and we were officially named parents of Valeria Michelle and Timothy Anthony! It was a long 3-hour court hearing with most of the time spent waiting. We waited for almost an hour for the hearing to begin and waited about an hour for the judge to deliberate. (This is normal from what we understand.) The hearing was very official. The people in attendance other than Ken and myself were our facilitator, a representative from the orphanage (who Ken and I jokingly called "The Janitor" 
), a representative from the Department of Education, a Prosecutor, a notetaker (literally), 2 jury members/ witnesses, and the judge (who looked like a combination between Charlize Theron and Michelle Pfieffer!) Our facilitator translated most of the hearing for us so we knew what was going on. No one contested the adoption. After the 1st part of the hearing, the judge said she would return with a decision. Mostly everyone else present in the court room left at that point, but we waited with our facilitator. Next thing we know, at least 7 police officers escorted 3 men and 1 woman in handcuffs into the small jail cell that was in our courtroom. We decided to wait in the hall. It was CRAZY! We noticed a paddy-wagon type of car outside;we were told that the criminals must have committed a very serious crime to be escorted by SO MANY policemen. Wow. We were finally escorted to a different court room. The decision came and the judge also agreed to accept a court decree that would permit us to begin our paperwork immediately. We do have to wait a mandatory 10 days before taking the children out of the orphanage, but once the court finishes making enough copies of its rulings, we can begin to get new birth certificates made with Ken and me as parents, as well as getting the kids' passports done. This will shave off a couple of days- YAY!!!
bravenet.com